How well do you know yourself? I would normally find this question to be very stupid. I mean, like the saying goes “who knows you better than yourself?”, how could you not know yourself?
Well after what happened to me last night, I began to think about it and did a mental search back to the many times this has happened to me before and came to the conclusion that it seems that I don’t know myself as well as I thought I did. Here’s another dumb question, is this really possible? It’s dumb because I am my own proof of it, yet I still can’t help but ask the question.
Here’s what happened. Last night I had a dream, in it the one thing I remember the most was, deliberately, kissing a girl. Most of the time I can have a vivid memory of my dreams, I can control them and be fully aware that I am dreaming. But not all the time, sometimes it all looks so real that I won’t realize it till I wake up. I didn’t recognize the girls face immediately but after thinking for a while I may know the person. It’s a girl that works with me. Like the average man, I won’t deny looking at a cute girl and picture myself with her (in a nice way, I’m no sicko). I however consider myself to be a man who wouldn’t act on these fantasies’s if the chance arises. I just don’t want to deal with the consequences. But after thinking about last nights dream and several others I have had before, I’m starting to question myself whether I would act on them or not if I found myself in a situation where this girl liked me and told me about it.
I have dreamed about being with other women before, even some I don’t know who they are. My problem is most of the time I have on my mind that I have a wife (girlfriend what ever you want to call her) yet I do it anyways while at the same time not being completely conscious that it’s all a dream. I guess you can say I have cheated on my wife in my dreams and didn’t care, yet in the real world I avoid even looking at women most of the time just so I don’t get into trouble. I do it cause I feel it’s the right thing to do, so how come I have no control over this in my dreams? This is the same when it comes to having to fight someone. I have always tried to avoid fighting anyone; I only fought about 2 times during my school years. I fear getting hurt and losing, but I fear even more what I could do to the other person. I have never been in a situation where I would have to go the max so I am completely ignorant to what I am capable if I find myself there. I have stood up to people and then look back and wonder where did this courage come from. It’s as if I am a completely different person, as if I’m look at myself from the outside but it’s not really me who’s standing up for myself. Am I confusing anyone? It’s like having your body taken over by someone else and seeing everything your body is doing but not being able to stop it. I fear I may go to far one day if I feel it necessary, so I avoid problems as much as I can. I have always been the one to walk away from a fight, but as I said before I have had to face it a few times, came out a winner twice and a loser once, but it never went too far.
So, is it normal for someone to not actually know themselves enough? Are there still mysteries within oneself that we are unaware ourselves? Is this a bad thing? Has this happened to you? What do you think?